So I recently went to a homeless nudist colony. A homeless nudist colony. We drove on a rocky road, but we got there ok. I’d say… I’d say, my biggest complaint was all the bumpiness.
Q: What do you have when two mummies pass gas at the same time?
A: They’d have a toot in common
I guess you could say they had sarcophaGAS
It happened at the museum of ancient fart.
I have this friend who is color blind. I think I offended him, because I asked him if he’d ever seen The Color Purple.
By the way, my friend’s name is Roy G. Biv.
We went to see The Wizard of Oz in theaters, and he kept asking me: “What’s the big deal? So Dorothy gets to Oz, everyone in here oohs and ahhs, I don’t get it! Yellow Brick Road? What the heck is that? You mean the brick road?”
Roy and I are frequently getting into political arguments. I accuse him of seeing things in black and white.
He’s a Republican, so of course he’s a conspiracy theorist. He believes the color triangle is a myth propagated by the US Government to control people through traffic lights.
Roy would say the oddest things: “Technicolor is a lie, man…”
Roy once tried to find a pot of gold, then gave up after 5 minutes and declared rainbows a hoax.
Do you remember The Princess Bride? What prayer did Ennigo Montoya say when he was nervous on his wedding night?
“Father, please guide my sword…”
What do you call Enrique Pena Nieto as a robot?
The Mech-xican President.
Q: What is the French Plumber’s favorite tool?
A: A croissant wrench
The French Prince of Bel-Air
So Kobe Bryant was recently driving on a Los Angeles freeway with his wife. Oddly enough, he pulled up behind WWE star Dwayne Johnson. Mr. Johnson was going extra slow, and Mrs. Bryant told her husband to go around, but Kobe wouldn’t do it. He just kept driving behind the slow wrestler on the freeway. So I guess even in retirement, Kobe can’t pass the Rock.
So Disney is releasing a “re-imagining” of their classic animated feature Snow White. You know, like they did with Alice in Wonderland?
Disney floated two possible ideas for the direction of this update of a classic Fairy Tale.
One option is for Disney is to coordinate with Star Trek: The Next Generation producers to give Snow White a sci-fi twist. It’s called Snow White and the Seven Warfs.
The second option has Miley Cyrus set to star, featuring her new hit song “Whistle While You Twerk.”
Was Snow White a reverse polygamist?
What is Donald Trump’s favorite Genesis song?
Land of Collusion
Q: What is Donald Trump’s favorite Guns n Roses album?
A: Use Your Collusion 1
Q: What is Donald Trump’s favorite movie?
A: The Collusionist
There is a new Wonder Woman product tie-in. This time, its actually a dental product. Floss. Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Tooth
Micheal Cracker Jackson – Free boy inside!
Bon Chovi ‘slippery when wet’
New Star Wars-themed Italian food product: Boba Fettuccine
Campbell’s soup product: David Lee Broth
General Ackbar’s product line of tarps. Tagline: “It’s a Tarp!”
Star Wars + MTV = Grievous and Butt-Head
PASTOR OF MUPPETS
If Metallica is the Master of Puppet’s, does that make Jim Henson the Pastor of Muppets?