Stand-Up Material: Final Draft

Hello, I am a member of the Deep State. When people ask me where I went to College, I say “I went to Deep State.” J/K they never took my applications.

I have this friend who is color blind. I think I offended him, because I asked him if he’d ever seen The Color Purple.

So I recently went to a homeless nudist colony. A homeless nudist colony. We drove on a rocky road, but we got there ok. I’d say… I’d say, my biggest complaint was all the bumpiness.

What do you have when two mummies pass gas at the same time? They’d have a toot in common. I guess you could say they had sarcophaGAS. It happened at the museum of ancient fart.

What did Zeus say to his ex-wife Hera when he called her? “You might want to get yourself checked out. I just found out I have Harpies.

Do you remember The Princess Bride? What prayer did Ennigo Montoya say when he was nervous on his wedding night?

Father, please guide my sword…

Kobe Bryant was driving on an LA freeway when he got stuck in a traffic jam. Kobe pulled up behind Dwayne Johnson. They were stuck for 3 hours. So I guess even in retirement, Kobe can’t pass the rock.

Disney is releasing a “re-imagining” of their classic animated feature Snow White. You know, like they did with Alice in Wonderland?

Evidently, Disney is to working with Star Trek: The Next Generation on Snow White and the Seven Warfs.

Did you know that the WWE is getting political? Yeah, they have two new wrestlers who are liberal and conservative, and they haate each other. For the left, the new wrestler is named the Deep State. His finishing moves are a high-rope slam called the ‘Border Fall,’ and a sleeper hold known as ‘The Sleep State.’

The conservative wrestler is called The NRA. His finishing moves are a knee to the face called the ‘Knee-Jerk Reaction,’ and his other signature hold is a headlock called the ‘Fox Snooze.’ He also does a pretty devastating submission hold called the ‘Second a-BEND-ment.’

There is a new Wonder Woman product tie-in. This time, its actually a dental product. Floss. Wonder Woman’s Lasso of tooth.

New Star Wars-themed Italian food product: Boba Fettuccine.

Campbell’s soup product: David Lee Broth. *Made in Panama. Marketing assured them that this will Jump off the shelves.The warning label cautions: Do not cook while still in the can: may cause an eruption. Cooking directions specify: do not microwave and then give to an instructor, as it may be too hot for teacher.

General Ackbar’s product line of tarps. Tagline: “It’s a Tarp!”

Star Wars + MTV = Grievous and Butt-Head

If Metallica is the Master of Puppet’s, does that make Jim Henson the Pastor of Muppets?

News breaking on the FBI’s investigation into Trump Campaign:

It turns out that operation “Crossfire Hurricane” was not the first time the Deep State-run FBI has named a presidential investigation after a classic rock band lyric.

The original name given to the Deep State when it formed in 1970 was Deep Purple State, but they dropped the purple after President Richard Nixon triggered the opening of operation “Smoke on the Watergate Hotel.”

What is Donald Trump’s favorite Guns n Roses Album? Use Your Collusion 1. What is Donald Trump’s favorite Hugh Jackman movie? The Collusionist.

Pro Am Comedy Night 2018
The event I will beat is Tuesday, June 5, 2018. $5 cover

Published by: The Fox Hawk

This blog is for revealing the mistruths and contradictions coming out of Fox News in this hyperpartisan political environment. The way things are working out, Fox's narrative about The Russian Investigation, Roy Moore, Isreal's Capitol, and Donald Trump's accusers of sexual harassment is forcing America to choose. The two camps are mutually exclusive. Either you believe what Fox News is reporting, or you believe the MSM, or mainstream media (CNN, MSNBC). I want to expose the lies of comission, omission and twisting of truth Fox News regularly exhibits in their news reporting. Obviously I am biased. Everything in this blog is my opinion, cited by sources, which will mainly be Fox's reporter's own words.

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